President's Message

The first New Year's resolution is said to date back to 153 B.C, when the head of the mythical King Janus was placed at the top the Roman calendar. Janus, whose two faces could look simultaneously into both the past and he future, came to symbolize the wisdom of hindsight and forward thinking. Looking back on 2,152 years of failed resolutions, anyone with hindsight today
would seem foolish to put faith in good intentions. But the thirst for hope and optimism remains unquenched, and for the waning months of this millennium, here are ten resolutions (not in any special order of importance) I have made to guide me into the abyss of the next:

1) Replace all the software you use with new versions that are certified Y2K compliant. Get a copy of the certification and send it to your lawyer. Make a hard copy of all your records and store it for possible use. Never mind changing date fields in your personal databases to four digits, since you
weren't born before 1900 and you can count on one hand those you know who were. Learn to add, multiply, and especially subtract, without using a calculator or computer.

2) Actually get those volunteers you keep asking for, but don't beg, lie or cheat to get them. Just convince them that working for DACS will help them learn new skills and feel better about themselves.

3) Start DACS' membership rolls growing again by encouraging each member to sponsor a friend to join. Never again have to hear any area computer user ask you "what is DACS?

4) Be a good example to your editors. Get your president's column in on time every month.

5) Update your virus files regularly and send any infected floppies to Jeff Setaro. (Psst! . . . don't tell him I said this). If your word processor ever comes up with a message, "You're a big stupid jerk!" try to come up with a suitable rejoinder . . . or get WordPerfect or WordPro.

6) Buy at least 1 MB of RAM for every 500 KB of file size you create and back up the file you are working on to a removable medium (floppy or Zip drive) at least every time you add 500 KB to it. The more memory you have, the faster Windows comes up with another fatal error.

7) Uninstall all programs you haven't used in 18 months and dispose of them properly. Do not inflict them on your friends by offering to give them away.

8) Never trust a utility that says you have x number of Windows problems and offers to fix them for you.

9) Archive all your files that are more than two years old onto zipped floppies and hide them in a secure place that you are likely to forget. Do same with e-mails over one year old.

10) Try to come up with something more original than "I'm Allan Ostergren, president of DACS."

--Allan Ostergren
dacsprez@aol.com